


Light 'Em Up

by nickijsb



Category: The Fault in Our Stars - John Green
Genre: AU where Hazel dies instead, Based on a Tumblr Post, Character Death, F/M, Sad, Smoking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-15
Updated: 2014-04-15
Packaged: 2018-01-19 12:53:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1470541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickijsb/pseuds/nickijsb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU The Fault In Our Stars where Hazel Grace succumbs to the cancer and dies and in the last scene all you see is Augustus standing out side with a cigarette between his lips and a hand slowly reaching up to light it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light 'Em Up

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short drabble. Based off this post: http://skeletonflight.tumblr.com/post/82748297800/au-the-fault-in-our-stars-where-hazel-grace
> 
> Title from a Fall Out Boy song.

"I don't know how our story will end, Gus," she had written, "and I don't know which of us will go first. Thank you for giving me an infinity within our limited time." It was signed with a flourished signature. Those were the last words Hazel Grace ever wrote. It hits you hard, when you suddenly realize that those are the last new words you'll ever get from that loved one again. I didn't know what to do at that point. I was staring blankly at my bedroom wall, Isaac was sitting on my bed too, his head tipped toward the ceiling.

"I was so upset the day I lost my eyesight," he said quietly. "I didn't want to accept the fact that I wouldn't be able to see again because of cancer. And now I understand how selfish I was." He stood up, hand trailing along the wall as he paced back and forth. "I lost my eyesight. Big deal. I'm sure she would've much rather sacrificed her eyes so she wouldn't have to lose her life." I was still sitting on my bed staring at the wall. What did he want me to say? Obviously she would've. It didn't matter at this point. She was dead. I wasn't. 

What was the point of anything? I already knew I wasn't going to live any longer than maybe another two years. 

And then I remembered what was in my pocket. I pulled out the pack of cigarettes, turning them over in my hands. I could light one. It takes more than two years to develop cancer from smoking, and I've already got it. I was incurable. 

Isaac was still ranting, still pacing. It was his was of dealing with grief.

I stood up. I did have a lighter, it was for emergencies, if the power went out. I pulled a cigarette from the pack, holding it in my mouth. I grabbed the lighter from the drawer it was in. As I flicked it on, I remembered her talking to me, that first day; 

"'Are you serious?" she asked. 'You think that's cool? Oh, my God, you just ruined the whole thing.'

'Which whole thing?' I had asked, turning to her. The cigarette dangled from my mouth.

'The whole thing where a boy who is not unattractive or unintelligent or seemingly in any way unacceptable stares at me and points out incorrect uses of literality and compares me to actresses and asks me to watch a movie at his house. But of course there is always a hamartia and yours is that oh, my God, even though you HAD FREAKING CANCER you give money to a company in exchange for the chance to acquire YET MORE CANCER. Oh, my God. Let me just assure you that not being able to breathe? SUCKS. Totally disappointing. Totally.'"

I paused, closing my eyes I had disappointed her that day, and I had promised myself I wouldn't do it again, if I could help it. Even if she hadn't understood that I didn't light them. It hadn't mattered to me. Was I really going to disappoint her? And then I realized: what did it matter? She was dead. She couldn't be disappointed any more. She wouldn't be watching my life turn to complete chaos and nothingness.

So I lit it.


End file.
